2/4/2021:
-You spend more time thinking about what sex is then you have it
-at one point you thought your prom date was important, do you still speak to them?
-what do veterans think about veterinarians taking their nickname?
-sometimes the crust is better than the pizza
-why don’t they make moisturizer that sprays
-songs that end better than they started
-I miss taking the bus
-movie where the earth is dying and your social security number is in a lottery and to survive we must kill someone each day
2/5/2021:
-crazy there hasn’t been a monopoly on masks
This is sad as hell but knowing he hated the heads on sound of music makes it funny
-It’s crazy people finished high school and were like yeah I’m gonna go right to work.. This sucks
-Heads is inclusive language
-you truly have to be a narcissist to name a clothing brand your name
-people worry so much about funeral etiquette but they are so common there’s time to practice, weddings are more rare and take some explaining
-we are strange
https://www.glamour.com/story/i-do-or-i-dont-silly-shower-tr
2/6/2021:
-the marvel studios opening card is the most self masterbatory thing I’ve ever witnessed
-Articles:
-a cook book is a book that tells you what to spend money on
2/7/2021:
-Chris Pratt truly is a 2000s Jack Black
-mom toss out one kid and get this haircut:
-Tim Allen would be dead if I guessed if he didn’t play
buzz lightyear
-here’s my impression of a guy who’s mad nobody’s smashing pumpkins at the smashing pumpkins show
2/8/2021:
-parents go out of their way to hide sex from you but you being alive is literally the definition of sex
-do we think people from New York dress the best because they have access to cold weather to add a bunch of shit and then play it off as fashion?
-my politics:
-“don’t wear a Hawaiian shirt to a funeral” Jimmy Buffett is fucked
-why do we constantly see winning im tired of it I want to see some losing
-schitts creek is the new the office is my personality
2/9/2021:
-looked in the mirror with my new haircut and all I could say was that I look like a Fuckboy again
-a charcuterie board is what the nurse gives you when you tell them your stomach hurts
-anybody ever see a male school nurse?
2/10/2021:
Me when I finally stop this newsletter:
-If it’s in the history books I have the day off
-not a beach guy
-written details horoscope coming soon
-insert mama mia 2 saved my life essay here